Emotional Health
Ben Cairns, M.A.

Immediately before a Òtime outÓ yesterday, my three year-old daughter stomped her feet and shouted ÒYou make me angry!Ó I am not sure that I have ever made anyone angry, although I admit I certainly have given people some pretty good opportunities! My three-year-old and I are now exploring the question ÒWho can make you angry?Ó My ultimate goal is to raise an emotionally healthy child. Being Òemotionally healthyÓ is a balance between controlling negative emotions and encouraging positive ones.

You have more control over how you respond to people and events than you may realize. A lot has been written about how proper exercise and diet can help us become physically fit and healthy. Perhaps we need to think more about how exercising emotional control and having a proper ÒdietÓ of thoughts can also help us to become more emotionally fit and healthy. Below are some Òexercise tipsÓ for emotional fitness and health.

Work Out the Negatives:

• Recognize your negative emotion-producing triggers. Be aware of where and when they occur. Recognition is the first step toward responding in a more productive manner. Decide how you would rather feel and react. Use the ÒPublic PlanÓ to be in control. (Read Talk Is NOT Cheap! for details).



• Have good Òsleep hygiene.Ó Go to bed at a decent hour, have a routine, avoid late food and alcohol, and remember to have a Òwind-downÓ period where you minimize physical exercise and negative inputs (violent or disturbing TV, movies, etc.).



• Model your own behavior after people who gracefully handle ÒhotÓ situations. Doing exactly what works for someone else might not work as well for you, but you can get a start toward finding a style that is a good fit for you.



• Take a break. Count to ten. Take a walk. Do whatever you need to do. Hot heads are not rational; cooler heads will prevail. Engage life with a cool head and a keen mind whenever you can.



• Keep things in perspective. This is a big place; the world wonÕt end at five oÕclock!

What Our Clients Are Saying

ÒI would like to thank you for your instruction. When I am faced with a difficult situation, I often refer to my notes or the book [Talk Is NOT Cheap] to prepare for the meeting. It is a good way to prepare to face a difficult meeting or deal with a confrontational person.Ó

John Roy, Baton Rouge LA

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Office Aerobics
Vincent Ivan Phipps, B.S.

Let me guess, you would exercise more if you had more time and energy, right? Working in an office setting can be an inconvenience for those who want to get or stay in better shape, but are unable to because of time and lack of accessible equipment.

Here is the solution: exercise IN the office! Do not worry, you will not get sweaty at work or have to do anything embarrassing in front of your co-workers. Here are five office aerobic activities you can do:

1. PARKING LOT MARATHON

How to do it: Instead of finding the closest parking space available, park as far away from your office as possible. Strive to walk this distance at least four times a day (when you arrive in the morning, when you leave for and return from lunch, and when you leave for the day).

How it helps: Increases your endurance and boosts your metabolism.

2. OFFICE WALK

How to do it: When you take a break, get a healthy snack or just get up and get moving. Depending on how much time you have, walk the longest way possible. For example, if your office is located right around the corner from the restroom, walk the opposite way at a brisk stroll.

How it helps: Releases stress and uses your muscles.

3. STAIR MASTER

How to do it: Instead of taking the elevator, climb the stairs. If you have to carry items that are too heavy or bulky, get creative. For example, if you work on the 10th floor, take the elevator to the 7th floor and then walk the other three. Or if you have too much to carry, arrive at work early enough to use the elevator for carrying heavy items up, drop them off, then walk down and back up the stairs carrying the smaller, lighter items.

How it helps: Builds leg and calf muscles and strengthens the cardiovascular system. In just a short time, you will be able to walk several flights of stairs and immediately have a conversation without someone asking, ÒAre you alright? You seem out of breath.Ó

4. PHONE BOOK ARM CURLS

How to do it: Some people think you need bulky, expensive weights to build strength. All you need is resistance. While sitting at your desk, grab a phone book, briefcase, or anything relatively heavy, depending on your strength. Proceed to curl it upwards tightening both upper and lower arms (biceps, triceps, and forearms).

How it helps: Builds total arm strength and reduces fatigue from typing or writing.

5. CHAIR YOGA

How to do it: While sitting at your desk, place your feet together firmly on the floor. Keeping your lower body still, simultaneously twist and stretch your upper body from left to right slowly and gently. Afterwards, lean forward and back as far as possible until you feel a gentle tension throughout your back.

How it helps: Promotes natural elongation of the body. Stretching can help reduce and prevent poor circulation that can cause numbness, headaches, back pains, and fatigue. This exercise is especially beneficial after sitting for long periods of time (meetings, phone conferences, typing, etc.).

Remember that working out doesnÕt have to be work, but it can be done at work! Your health is worth it, so work on it!

Are You Fit to Communicate?

Intelligent people are making sure that they keep their bodies fit by walking, swimming, running, dancing, or other forms of exercise. It is also important to keep your communication skills fit. Just follow the regime below to ensure that your people skills are in good shape:

1. Give one factual compliment each day. Describe exactly what the person did and then tell them how it helped. Spread the compliments around. DonÕt wait until they do something extraordinary. Sincere compliments can turn the ordinary into something extra-ordinary!

2. Keep your voice calm in tense situations by lowering the rate, pitch, and volume. The natural tendency is to speak louder, faster, and higher. You can only control the situation after you have control over yourself.

3. Listen to someone every day. Stop what you are doing, give them eye contact, and tune into a great AM station: ÒItÕs not About MeÓ. Listen to understand what the person means. DonÕt change the subject or start talking until you have proven that you have listened first.

4. Get comfortable saying Òno.Ó Without this ability, you will over-promise and under-deliver or run yourself down.

5. When you experience a conflict, confront the problem the same day. ÒConfrontÓ means that you come face-to-face with the issue or person involved in the conflict. Delays can cause prolonged stress, lack of sleep, and transfer of your negative thoughts to innocent people.

6. Get into the habit of asking open questions that begin with ÒwhatÓ or Òhow.Ó This will give you more information and you will be credited with being a better listener.

7. Purposely relax your body language when you are feeling stressed. Lean back in your chair, keep your arms apart, tilt your head and place a pleasant expression on your face. When you relax your body, a strong message is sent to your brain that the situation is under control.

8. Spend approximately twenty minutes each day giving yourself positive thoughts. Ideal times are first thing in the morning or the last thing at night. During these times, the left hemisphere of your brain is likely turned off and you wonÕt get an argument going inside your head.

If you have any questions about how to execute the above exercises, please consult with a TLC Communication Coach. Best results occur with on-going effort. Communication fitness is a journey rather than a destination, so invest in these skills daily.

Professional Development Tips

Our country has transformed from an agrarian to an industrial to an information / service society. The only constant seems to be that things are always evolving. If we do not evolve our professional skills, we will eventually go the way of now-obsolete agricultural and industrial processes. One thing is also certain, our competitors know this too, and are constantly seeking to develop any advantage over us. Arie DeGeuss, CEO of Royal Dutch Shell said, ÒOur ability to learn faster than our competitors is perhaps the only sustainable advantage.Ó

Our days are so full of handling our lives and the details of our jobs that it often seems that there is not enough time to get even the basics done. So, on top of everything else, how do we pursue keeping our professional skills fit and healthy? Cramming at the last minute like you might have done in college is just not good enough. Professional development is an ongoing process that is best when built in to your routine. Start with these questions:

• Improving which skills will give me the greatest benefits? You might be surprised to find that something as obvious as time management is your Òweakest link.Ó



• What professional certifications, licenses, or credentials will distinguish me from the rest of the pack?



• What are my strengths?



• What would it take to become a world-class expert in my field?



• What interpersonal skills would most improve my effectiveness?

CEO Corner: "Fit or Healthy?"
Beverly Inman Ebel, MA CCC-SLP

A lot of Americans spend measured hours perfecting muscles and moves to obtain physical fitness. Their slogan might be, ÒNo pain; no gain!Ó Yet these same fitness gurus, who measure progress by diminishing percentages of body fat, may be far from healthy.

When I first moved to Chattanooga two decades ago, I joined an aggressive fitness center. I spent four evenings each week training my body to execute push-ups while balancing my weight on my thumbs. Okay, I could only manage them with my hands flat on the floor, so I consoled myself with the fact that I could do fifty of them. One evening, a man who ran the indoor track as regularly as I completed the calisthenics, collapsed and was dead before the ambulance could arrive. That was a very somber evening for all of us fitness fiends. How could it happen?

True health is much more than being physically fit. Tony Robbins defines ÒfitnessÓ as Òthe physical ability to perform athletic activity,Ó and ÒhealthÓ as Òthe state in which all systems of the body (nervous, muscular, skeletal, circulatory, digestive, lymphatic, hormonal) are working optimally.Ó Fitness is part of the formula, not the center of it.

To be healthy, we need to give our cells enough oxygen. This means that we need to breath deeply and avoid toxins such as smoke. Aerobic exercise helps us to breathe correctly. Water is a vital part of our health. A lack of water creates fatigue and memory loss while chronic dehydration is linked to disease. It is also important to get enough rest, communicate clearly and with care, and spend some time each day doing something that brings you joy.

To be healthy, our body needs energy. Different foods have different levels of energy for our bodies to convert. Dr. Robert Young, PhD., D.Sc, reports that the foods you include in your diet should ideally have a frequency of at least 70 MHz. (Mega Hertz is simply a measurement of energy.) Fruits, vegetables and fresh wheat supply this level of energy. A piece of chocolate cake supplies one MHz and a piece of fried chicken gives three MHz.

ÒTo lose oneÕs health renders science null, art inglorious, strength unavailing, wealth useless, and eloquence powerless.Ó These words of wisdom were written by Herophilus, in 300 B. C. Twenty-three hundred years later, we are still seeking health. Seek. Find. Have longer to live your dreams!

Ask The Experts

Dear TLC,
I attended your S.O.S. (Success Over Stress) class at our company and thoroughly enjoyed it. Part of the message was to exercise and I just donÕt have the time with work and a young family. Telling me to do something I canÕt do just adds to the stress!
Burned Out

Dear Burned,
Look for opportunities to work exercise into your daily routine. When playing with your children, imitate their actions. Most adults would lose weight if they kept up with their toddlers move for move.

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All original materials in this newsletter are the copyrighted property of TLC, Talk Listen Communicate, LLC. For reprint information, please e-mail a request to tlc@talklisten.com.

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