December 2005

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Featured Topic: Establishing Trust

Inside This Issue

A Recipe For Trust

Ingredients:

Thinking.  The first ingredient in creating trust is to think before you speak.  Introverts are better at this than extroverts.  When we speak quickly or spontaneously, or as we often say at TLC, “think out loud,” our message may not come out as intended.  Perhaps you have been surprised at a blooper that came out of your mouth in the past.  Especially when we are speaking to a person who we are somewhat unfamiliar with, we need to think before we speak.  It doesn’t take that long; three seconds is a lot of think time for our brains.  When you are giving tough messages, such as corrections, think first and you will find a better way to say it.

Respect.   The person you are striving to establish trust with may be quite different from you.  You do not have to agree with their differences, yet you do need to accept their right to think, act, look, and speak differently.  Being different does not make them better or worse, it just adds variety – like spice.  There is more than one way to accomplish something.  To demonstrate respect, listen first.  The other person just may say something that creates a new idea or attitude within you. 

Understanding.  To understand a point of view, it is necessary to momentarily set aside what you already know.  Your own thoughts can get in the way of understanding what the other person means.  Remind yourself to open up the possibilities when you are receiving new information.  Once you can restate in your own words what you think the other person is saying, and they agree with your restatement, then you have accomplished understanding.  Now, add it to what you knew before and see how your perception has changed.

Sincerity.  No matter how well you listen, the thought you place in your comments, or how many good questions you ask to gain understanding and demonstrate respect, these must be delivered with sincerity.  Body language and vocal tone are the base ingredients of sincerity.  Moving slowly and lowering your pitch, volume, and rate will increase the perception that you mean what you say.

Time.  This ingredient is what yeast is to bread.  Know that approximately 54% of the population in the United States requires time for the trust to rise.  Invest in relationships.  Under-promise and over-deliver.  Do what you say you will do.  Follow through.  Get into the details.  Slow down.  Exhale.  The great equalizer is time because we all have 24 hours today.  How we spend that time is a choice.  Choose to spend it wisely and you will build trust in others.

You may notice that the amount of each ingredient was not specified.  Use as much as you need to gain the final result that you seek.  Mix well with effective communication to achieve trust.

 

What Our Clients Are Saying

TLC received the following feedback from one of our 2005 Season Tickets Seminars:

“Loved the energy”

“The speaker is one of the best I have had the pleasure to hear.”

“It showed me what I need to work on in my leadership of other people.”

In the News

On October 17th TLC joined with SHRM (The Society for Human Resource Management) for the 15th annual Southeast Human Resource Conference in Atlanta, GA. The extraordinary exhibits were filled with great information and staffed by some fantastic people. Many of you signed up for our newsletter.  We welcome you and say hello. We enjoyed getting to know you, playing a round of putt-putt at our booth, and talking with you about the challenges you face at your organizations.

We gave away two door prizes.  Congratulations to:

Aleah Hawks, of the Cobb County Government.  Aleah was the winner of one seat at our Season Tickets seminar on December 16th , S.O.S., Success Over Stress.  (A $333.00 value).

And D. Vanessa Bryant from The Ritz-Carlton for winning a two-night stay for four people at Spring Creek Retreat in Reliance, TN.  (A $500.00 value).

For more information about SHRM please visit their website at www.shrm.org.

To view information and photos regarding Spring Creek Retreat, visit our website at www.springcreekretreat.com.

Acquire Trust Through Information

Vincent Ivan Phipps, B.S.

How skillful are you in getting others to trust your ideas?  How much more could you accomplish by being able to persuade your team to see that your point of view or perspective is the most advantageous?

A key rule of acquiring trust is simply to provide information.  Often we break this basic rule by substituting our opinions when facts are the better tools to get others to agree with us. 

For example, suppose your company is to select one of two consulting firms.  You like FIRM A but every other member of your team likes FIRM B because that’s the firm the company has always used.

Assume the following is true:

To acquire the team’s trust, avoid opinionated statements.  Examples include:

Rather, use informational statements such as:

Although the opinionated statements may be true, they lack the facts to acquire trust.  Remember you convince people easier by using facts instead of opinions.  If you agree, then I’ve earned your trust and you willingly buy-in!

Featured Service

Don Wheeler

In last month’s Featured Service column, I wrote about the different services TLC offers. What a response! Several people told me that they had no idea we specialized in so many different types of communication training.  By a vast majority, the question that was most asked of me was, “What type of TLC training has the largest impact on people?” That’s an easy answer: Individual Coaching.

Individual coaching provides a person with private, customized training that is results-oriented. We determine your needs through the initial consultation and assessments and then design an individualized program for you.

Individual coaching focuses on specific areas such as:

We accomplish this through:

Who benefits from this type of training?  Anyone who must:

We would be glad to sit down with you and talk about your individual needs. Make a resolution to make 2006 a successful and profitable year and improve yourself first!

Happy New Year!

Getting Off Scot Free

When we use the term, “getting off scot free,” we are referring to someone who has totally gotten away with something or has been cleared of any wrong doings even though they are guilty.  Where did this term come from and how does it relate to this month’s theme of ‘Acquiring Trust’?  Have a little trust and continue reading to find out!

The “scot” in “scot free” is a Scandinavian word for a payment or a tax, as in “tax free” or, “free from payment.”  Around the 13th or 14th century, a tax was issued to help the poor.  Your financial and social status determined the amount you paid. If you were well to do, you paid more scots or taxes.  If you were already destitute or poor, you got off scot free, meaning you paid and owed nothing.

Trust is acquired through accountability.  Rather than trying to get off “scot free”, hold yourself accountable for your actions and the trust of others will come naturally.

Trust Yourself

When we ponder what it means to trust, our focus is usually on others.  Will that person let me down?  Can I count on what he says?  How much can I trust her?  While these questions are valid guides to decisions you may make, there is a far greater one: Do I trust myself?

Perhaps you currently have an idea that begins to take shape as you make plans.  At some point in the timeline, you more than likely begin to question yourself.  Suddenly you are consumed with thoughts of self-worth, ability, stamina, and even desire.  By not taking action, you have actually made a decision to not trust yourself.

How often do you read about someone who took their idea through to fruition and now they are receiving the rewards?  Are you nagged by the thoughts that, “I could have done that!”  Could have.  Should have.  Didn’t.

What does it take to trust our own instinct, ability, and ideas?  Trust is all that we have until we have proof.  Once we have proof, we don’t need trust.  Until we have proof, trust is the difference between possibility and probability.

Healthy trust requires a diet that will sustain it.  Listen to what you say to yourself.  Are you encouraging or discouraging?  When an obstacle comes, are you more likely to determinedly find a solution, or is this the excuse to quit?  Are you relying solely on others to trust you when you are feeling discouraged?

If establishing trust in yourself is important to you, here are some measures you can take to solidify it:

Stop.  Think.  Trust yourself. 

Happy Birthday!

A very happy birthday to our clients whose birthdays are in December:

CEO Corner: "Trust Me"

Beverly Inman-Ebel, MA CCC-SLP

Words matter to me.  I am concerned about the way they are thrown together sometimes, without thought or sincerity.  For instance, how many times does someone ask, “How are you?” as they brush past you?  Not waiting for an answer, it is apparent they really do not want to know how you actually are.

Another one that stops me in my tracks is, “Call me – we need to have lunch sometime.”  When someone tells me that, to their surprise, I usually whip out my calendar and suggest a date.  Many of our social phrases are void of meaning and we say them out of habit.  What a shame!

One phrase that is abused is when someone says with a sarcastic tone, “Trust me.”  Those two words are precious and do not deserve to be a cast-away expression.  Say them sincerely right now, out loud… “Trust me.”  You probably dropped your pitch and slowed down.  There is magic in that phrase now and there is work to be done.  To sincerely command someone to trust you requires action on your part.  You must follow through with your pledge.

My older son used to hate getting water in his face when he was a toddler and young child.  He was standing by the shallow side of the pool, wanting to jump in, but afraid of getting his face wet.  Standing in only three feet of water, I assured him that I would catch him before his head went under the water.  I looked him in the eye and said, “Trust me.”  He did and, to his delight and my exhaustion, he continued to jump into my arms for over an hour.  The next day, with his newly found trust, he wanted to jump off the diving board.  I was not certain that I could tread water and catch him.  I said, “If you want to jump here, Momie will grab you after you hit the water.  You can trust me that I will not let you be alone.”  It took him another year before that deal was acceptable.  To this day, I believe my son trusts that what I say I will do.

How about you?  When you tell someone to trust you, will you stop and think first to make sure you can fulfill the requirements?  Trust is not a word I want to fade into a meaningless idiom.  Let’s use it with care. 

Without trust, there is no faith.  Without faith, there is no hope.  Without hope, there is no joy.  Without joy, there is no life.  During this holiday season, I wish for you life, joy, hope, faith, and the ability to trust.  May you give and receive the gift of trust, for then you can live your dreams!

Ask the Experts

Dear TLC,

I lead a monthly sales meeting.  At times it seems like we can barely agree on what toppings we should have for our bagels.  I think my ideas are good but I can’t get the other participants to go along with me.  By the time I get everyone on the same page, my voice is hoarse and I’ve used up all my energy.  What advice can you give so I can get everybody to go along with what I want?

-Burned Out Bagel


Dear Burned,

It sounds like a lot of discussion occurs during the meeting prior to decision-making.  In the future, pre-send an agenda letting everyone know the purpose is to obtain agreement.  Have participants send in suggestions before the meeting, then incorporate your ideas with the other ideas you received. 

After everyone arrives, announce the first agenda item is to confirm agreement by choosing from one of the pre-determined options.  Although everyone might not get their number one option chosen, the majority will and the others will be content with their number two option being accepted.

TLC establishes long-term relationships with our clients. If we have helped you or if you believe our approach to change would work for someone you know, please request a proposal or phone 1-888-232-2873. We work with individuals and groups on the following subject areas: attitude, listening, body language, voice, leadership, compliments and corrections, behavioral style, teamwork, effective meetings, public speaking, accent reduction and much more!.

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