Volume 5, 2006

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Featured Topic: Being a Human Polygraph

Inside This Issue

Negotiating With Your Eyes

When you are negotiating or closing a sale, in addition to carefully reading the contract, also read the reactions from the other person. In situations like these, people are carefully guarding their words with their left hemisphere, the side of the brain over which we have some semblance of control. People let their guard down with their body language because this is monitored by the right hemisphere and we seldom have total control over this area of the brain.

If you are watching, you may see some of these behaviors that can make a difference in the deal:

Of course, you can also listen with your ears to hear subtle changes in the voice that can tell you what the other person is feeling. Women speak in a higher pitch when they are excited, while men tend to have volume bursts when their emotions are high. Both will talk faster under stress, whether that stress is positive or negative.

In negotiations and sales, it is important to listen to the words that are spoken, yet remember that people can consciously control the words they choose to say. They are less capable of being able to hide their feelings shown through their body language and voice. This higher form of listening can mean the difference between closing the deal or not.

What Our Clients Are Saying

"The content (Beverly) covers is eye opening and can be applied in the business setting and also in one's personal life. I can highly recommend her as a professional who understands people, communication, and how to get people to change positively."

Roland M. Dorson, Executive VP, Indianapolis Chamber of Commerce

Shake a Leg

Remember the last time you heard someone say, "shake a leg?" This is a commonly used expression meaning to have someone move faster. But what does your leg shaking have to do with someone hurrying up? We’ll shake a leg right now and tell you.

Shake a leg’s origin dates back to the early 1800’s in the Navy. Cadets were to stand on deck at attention to await instructions. Often standing in one spot too long would result in their legs going numb. If an immediate order was given, and their legs had fallen asleep, obviously it would be difficult to move quickly.

Being told to shake a leg, literally meant to shake your legs to increase blood flow to prevent numbness. Once your legs reached full circulation and you regained all feeling, you were expected to double time it to whatever assignment you were given.

So when someone tells you to shake a leg, they are not "pulling your leg." They really want you to hurry!

The Real Lie Detector

Vincent Ivan Phipps

In our grossly litigious society, we are hearing more and more about how polygraph tests (lie detectors) are becoming influential in factoring into the outcome of legal cases. Take the average person and ask them, "If someone fails a lie detector test, what does it mean?" Most likely they will answer, "It means that person was lying." The truth is, it does not mean that at all.

A polygraph only measures three things (none of them has anything to do with honesty):

1. GRS (Galvanic Skin Resistance): fancy way of saying sweat!

2. Cardiac palpitations: fancy way of saying heartbeats!

3. Respiratory exchanges: fancy way of saying breathing!

Although polygraphs accurately measure these three areas, it does not measure your deceptiveness. It does mean you are either nervous or under stress. If you were in a police interrogation for something you did not do and you were asked, "Were you at home 11 days ago at 7:54 p.m.?" you might be under stress, too!

Ironically, if you are telling the truth, and you fail a polygraph because you are nervous, the perception will be that you lied!

Body language makes up 55% of the total message. Polygraphs measure your body’s response to changes from your normal behavior. Although body language is widely studied and heavily scrutinized, it is not an exact science.

At TLC, we teach the art of what to look and listen for in nonverbal communication. We also teach the much-needed skill of how to ask the right questions. To be a human polygraph, avoid making quick assumptions based on any isolated movement. Look for inconsistency in that person’s behavior. Also monitor their speed. Slower movements usually mean the person is under control. Faster movements can mean they are excited.

You don’t need a machine, you just need your eyes!

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to our clients celebrating August birthdays!

Featured Service: Strategic Negotiations

Therese Padgett, Director of Client Relations

When we think of negotiations in a buy/sell situation, we usually think of ourselves as the buyer and we are out to get what we want for the least price and the best terms. "I want to beat this guy at his own game," is our mentality.

Recently I responded to a television ad for a high-end piece of exercise equipment. Before I placed the call, I already knew my monthly budget restraints and I also knew I could live without making this purchase. I felt this equipment could be a particular benefit that would supplement what I was currently doing in the area of my exercise routine. Since I did have a routine in place, I was fully prepared to say "no" every time the salesman tried to "upgrade" my potential purchase.

What surprised me was how the person on the other end of the line kept dropping the price to every one of my objections, even though I was not asking him to do so. I kept saying, "Oh! That’s great! Thank you so much. However, the lowered total price is not meeting my need to have a certain payment PER MONTH. I’m on a monthly budget here."

He dropped the price three times before he finally caught on to what I was saying. Extending the term of the payment schedule would have saved hundreds of dollars in his sale, had he just initially listened to my objectives.

Was he a "bad" salesman, or was his product way overpriced? I thought both until I had to call customer service the day after I received the equipment when I discovered a manufacturing fault. I was only asking that the part be replaced when, out of the blue, the representative offered to not only extend the time of my free trial and replace the part, but to take an additional $100 off the price! By now I realized that exceeding customer satisfaction was the top priority of this company and they had decided that money was what mattered most to people. So, they used price-breaks to overcome all objections.

Am I a satisfied customer? You bet I am! What about the original price of the equipment? It was definitely over-priced. Was the company good at negotiations? Well, that is questionable.

At TLC, we believe in "strategic" negotiations where both parties experience a win-win situation and establish relationships that continue the sell/buy process. That equipment company may not be a candidate for our course on "Strategic Negotiating." However, by listening more carefully to customers, they certainly might increase their sales’ revenue.

How important are win-win negotiations to your company? Give us a call at 888-BECAUSE or send me an email at tap@talklisten.com to find out how TLC can help.

CEO - Chief Executive's Opinion

Beverly Inman-Ebel

I am a hard person to surprise. Many have tried and few have succeeded. I can only think of two times in my life where someone truly caught me off guard. The first was when my husband threw a surprise 40th birthday party at our home and the second was our two sons giving us a surprise 25th anniversary party last year. The common factor in both instances was that I was not expecting anything.

My staff had given me a surprise 40th birthday party and I crashed it dressed in black, including an ebony veil. We had fun even if it was not a surprise. I certainly did not expect a second party in the same week.

The month before my 25th wedding anniversary, both boys had forgotten my birthday, or at least not expressed it in any way. It never crossed my mind that these two could pull-off a celebration of this magnitude. Celebrating 10 days before the actual anniversary also helped.

These two surprises have taught me a lesson: when I am not looking, I do not see. Most of the time I am open to all possibilities so I read the body language, hear the change in voice, or catch the minor word changes when life is about to blindside me. I know if an employee is going to leave, a friend is hiding something from me, a family member is upset but trying to be brave, or a client is hesitant.

I’m really good at seeing things when I look for them. One of my clients once told my husband that it must be very difficult to be married to me because I would always know if he was telling the truth. When my children were younger, their friends and cousins usually asked me to be the judge of any crime because I had a reputation for having eyes in the back of my head.

You can do this also, and I bet you already are to some extent. Look for changes in people. Sudden movements mean stress, just like increases in volume, pitch and rate of the voice. The eyes can tell you if a person is remembering or creating and whether the source is visual (upward glance), auditory (lateral glance) or tactile (downward glance.)

I learned in Tae Kwon Do to take in my entire surroundings so that I could see any change in my surroundings. Whenever I pick up on anything, and sometimes it is nothing more than a feeling, I start looking. I open myself to all possibilities. Then, I see what is coming.

Sometimes that vision ruins a surprise party. Other times it helps me to prevent a misunderstanding or correct a misperception that someone has formed and may never tell me. To not use this ability would be like touching the new skin of an infant wearing rubber gloves. It would not be satisfying.

What about you? How aware are you of the little things that people say and do every day? If you feel you are getting surprised more than you would like, there is help. Contact me. (bie@talklisten.com) I can teach you how to see. Sense. Succeed. Live your dreams.

Fact or Fiction

Have you ever played the TLC game, Fact or Fiction? The guidelines usually follow along these lines: Each person has three index cards. On two cards they write down something they have actually done in life, and on the third they write down something they have never done. After each person reads their three cards, the rest of the people have to decide which one is the fiction - that event that never happened. The fun is in finding out more about people and how good some people are at bluffing.

Most people select the perceived bluff card because of what they know about the person or how out of character it might be for them to actually do that task. The people that are best at guessing which one is the fiction, are those who pay attention to the speaker as they read off the three choices.

Most people are not very good at telling lies. They do something unnatural with their body. Sometimes they will make a sudden movement, they won’t make eye contact at all, or they will stare you down. None of these behaviors are normal in everyday conversation.

There are some very good reasons to play this game. You learn more about your co-workers or friends. It triggers the imagination and takes each person outside of his or her box. The game causes you to focus on more than the words, because the words are few and no questions are allowed.

Try it with someone at lunch today or in the break room. Not only will you learn to read people, your heart will be smiling from the exchange.

TLC establishes long-term relationships with our clients. If we have helped you or if you believe our approach to change would work for someone you know, please request a proposal or phone 1-888-232-2873. We work with individuals and groups on the following subject areas: attitude, listening, body language, voice, leadership, compliments and corrections, behavioral style, teamwork, effective meetings, public speaking, accent reduction and much more!.

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